“Is rent due already???”It’s Friday, and I just got paid! Naturally, you would think that I was elated, huh? Nope, every two weeks it’s the same old story:
- Check the bank account to see that X amount of dollars was deposited…
- Do the quick math to figure out how much money I’m donating to the Feds…
- Mentally set aside some cash for bills, bills, bills, and then rent…
- Think about how much I could be saving if I didn’t have a job and lived with my parents…
Why do I check the amount of dollars deposited each time? It’s silly, I know… But there is always the fear that I may get screwed out my “hard earned” money.
ON A SIDE: I say “hard earned” money with the straightest of faces, even though I know that the highlight of my day is checking the latest Truth & Rumors on SI.com. It is “hard earned” because I get out of bed knowing that while there is nothing for me to do, the expectation from my employer is that I will show up to work. Yeah, those are not very lofty expectations, but the least I could do is live up them… Kobe Bryant gets paid $21.3 million/year, and after every interview he speaks about the motivation, the passion, and the intensity that drive him. Please believe that the motivation to show up each morning, and the passion and intensity I demonstrate when screaming “Oh Shit!” when I wake up is worthy of at least the $X/year they pay me.
Sorry… Back to why I am not overcome with joy every two weeks. I’m not going to spend much time speaking on #2, because I pay my taxes, and I will not complain. I will leave that for another week. Perhaps I will address my annoyance with the 35% deduction from my paycheck the next time my mayor lends his homeboy a city vehicle to joyride about in, or when another federal agency is engulfed in a pornography watching scandal…
The next step of this game brings us to the calculation of where my money is going to be spent this next month, #3. It’s gotten to the point where barely even blink an eye when I receive the cell phone bill, cable/internet bill, or rent notice. Can I do without the services that paying them provides? Yes… Well at least for 2 out of the 3… But do I want to do without them is the better question. Obviously, the answer is a resounding NO. Therefore, as with my civic duty for paying taxes, I am compelled to chain myself to Comcast, Verizon, and Charles E. Smith Rentals for another month.
Thankfully, I have no loans to my name, I have no child payments to make, and I’m too cheap to consider owning a car. Things aren’t looking that bad after all…Based on the above I should be able to walk away in the black this month, with some money left over to place in my high yield 0.75% savings account. Add that to my 401k contribution and social security, I should be able to retire comfortably at a lower-middle class level in 50 years.
BUT WAIT NAH… Something just hit me:
It’s Friday Bitches!!!
Why am I even spending my time writing this crap? Instead of thinking about bills, how much of my paycheck I end up taking home, and savings, I should be getting my mind right for the club tonight. What better way to get my mind off the stark realities of life than to go get drunk with hundreds of people who are way too cool to even worry about how to balance the equation of income versus expenditure…
ON A SIDE: I mention “stark realities” above… But who really dictates that that is in fact a reality. Can I not make my own reality? If I don’t want to be consumed with bills, money, and work, then isn’t that my reality?
Why live in the reality dominated by money and bills, when I could cavort in the world of Dom Perignon and Versace? The only “reality” that I should be concerned with is making sure that Mr. Mastercard, Ms. Visa, and Dr. Express are ready for a long night of full exposure.
LAST ON A SIDE: It took me 25 years, but it has finally hit me. I have been complaining about my job, and making snide comments about my “hard earned” cash, while the truth was right in front of me. I am going to blame my parents for hiding this from me… Did they think I needed to find this out on my own? Was this a test? I always wondered how everyone could live like a rock star, while I sat there thinking about bank account balances…
My employer pays me… I pay my taxes… My taxes are used to pay the banks… The banks then “reward” me with credit cards… That’s how it works!!! If Bill Gates came up to you on the street and offered you $2k, what is the first thing you would do? I would probably look for the tv cameras. But in the end, I would take the cash, especially if it was coming from someone as respected as the co-founder of Microsoft. So what’s the difference if Bank of AMERICA offers you a nice silver cash card? They’re well respected, and they sure as hell have billions of dollars available for lending to people like me…
Our HR Dept never taught us new hires about this in our orientation… But I’ve got it now. Company A pays you $X/year, which is below that which you feel you deserve. But while the in hand payment is small, your spending potential skyrockets. All the man in the bank wants to see is that you are willing to work. He doesn’t care if you make $2 million, or $0.75. He just wants you to show that you are trying… It is obvious now that I have been looking at it from the wrong perspective. It’s not the money that you have available to spend, but rather the LIMIT that you place on your spending.
Arthur C. Clarke says “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.” Never has anything more correct been spoken. Why should I restrict myself to the $15k limit set by Bank of America, when Capital One will grant me the freedom to spend $30k?
Therefore, I am going to use the freedom that has been afforded to me without a second thought… Tonight I am going to chart a new course, in a world that is void of the dull and dreary so called realities of life. I am going to make my own reality… No more will I worry about tedium such as finding a way to stimulate my savings for retirement.
I am going to live for TODAY and hold NO regrets TOMORROW.
It is Friday and RENT IS DUE on Monday… But that is another lifetime away…
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